March 12, 2004

By Roger Schlueter

You can bet John Garrett will be celebrating this weekend when he brings another Clinton County Comedy Tour to the metro-east.

A week ago Monday, Garret got the call most young comics can only dream about: Famed comedian Louie Anderson wants the New Baden native to open for him during a series of shows starting next month. 

So, Garrett is hoping all his old friends and family turn out when he along with “Wild” Bill Bauer and P-Bau give Clinton County the funny business again.  Their shows are at 8:30 tonight at Jimmy T’s in Breese and 8:30 Saturday at the Jailhouse Rock in Trenton.

With Anderson’s invitation, Garrett – who, by day, is a mild-mannered business analyst in Indianapolis – figures he’s one step closer to his ultimate dream.  It’s the one in which some TV exec asks him to combine his talents and do an accountant sitcom called “NYCPA Blue”.

Of course, there also will be marketing spin-offs – a Chippendale-style CPA calendar, for example, said Garrett, letting his imagination fun wild during a recent phone conversation.  Kids will want to play CEOs and auditors instead of cops and robbers.

“That’s all in my little, I-have-a-dream, make-believe world,” he said.

Think that’s funny?  So did Louie Anderson, apparently – especially after Garrett opened for Anderson a year ago last December.  Garrett did have an ‘in” – a friend was Anderson’s former book tour manager – but it was Garrett’s talent that stuck in Louie’s head.

“He really liked me on and off stage, so in January he asked my friend – they still stay in touch – ‘Hey, what’s your buddy in Indianapolis doing now?’” Garrett said.

His friend told Anderson that between his day job and his weekend comedy club gigs, Garrett had a pretty full plate.  But when Anderson told him he needed an opener, Garrett’s friend quickly added, “Well, I’m sure he could figure something out.”

That may have been the funniest understatement of the year.  Garrett rushed a tape to Anderson and, after waiting nervously for a month, finally received the phone call he had been hoping for.  So, on April 16-17, Garrett will start with four shows in a 1,000-seat auditorium in the opulent Borgata Hotel Casino and Spa in Atlantic City.

Garrett figures it will be the best of all worlds.  He’ll be able to keep is business job with its insurance and other perks while flying out to his comedy engagements on the weekend.  He sees it as kind of a Dilbert on speed.

“That will be kind of funny in itself,” Garrett said.  “I’ll be in the cubicle for four days and than Thursday night fly to Atlantic City, hang out for the weekend with Louie Anderson, and then go back to work on Monday.  Hopefully, no one will ask me if I did anything exciting over the weekend.”

He figures his stuff will be seen by some of the biggest names in the business.  Garrett is already well-acquainted with comic kingpins like Jimmy Brogan, a fellow Notre Dame grad and “Tonight” show writer who began giving Garrett tips several years ago.  Now he’ll be seen by people like Barry Katz, Anderson’s manager.

“I’m really excited about it,” said Garrett, the son of John and Bonnie Garrett.  “It’s a huge opportunity that not a lot of people get.  And, I know that I will do fine, so I’m just excited.  I’m absolutely confident about it.”

He gets a chance to warm up for it this weekend when he appears with “Wild” Bill Bauer and P-Bau in Breese and Trenton.  Bauer has become a favorite on the Bob & Tom Radio Network, appearing dozens of times in addition to writing for Roseanne Bar and Tom Arnold’s sitcom “The Jackie Thomas Show.”

“He is clean and very, very funny,” Garrett said.  “He does so many skits that people will recognize from the radio.  He does quite a bit of family stuff – he comes from a pretty large family and one of his sisters is a nun, so there’s obviously some stories there.”

Bauer’s son, P-Bau (Patrick Bauer), is an up-and-coming comic in his own right, winding up second in the Last Comic Standing 2 competition in Chicago.

“He does hit on some drug-related topics and things like that, but he doesn’t swear and it’s not overly raunchy,” Garrett said.  “It’s just good to laugh and not get offended.”

Those coming this weekend can expect another Clinton County Top 10 list from Garrett, too.  This time it’s the best ways to recognize somebody who went to high school in Clinton County.  It’ll be a follow-up to the well-received ways to know you are at a Clinton County wedding.

“Complete with dollar dance and ex-boyfriends in the wedding party,” said Garrett, laughing.  “And, there’s a good chance that the wedding couple is related or, at least, third cousins, because they’re somehow related to a Rakers.  There’s like 15 bazillion Rakers all over Clinton County, and I swear to God everyone is like a third degree removed from a Rakers.”

He hopes similar observations on the world will go over big in his appearances with Anderson.

“Hey, the sky is the limit on this,” he said.  “And, if not, then, hey, I opened for Louie Anderson.  So, it’s just a great opportunity and I’m just going to have fun with it.  No pressure.  It’s perfect.  It really is.”